Creating a Successful System for Love

Today, I would like to offer a guest post on marriage by Karinna Kittles-Karsten, founder of Sacred Love, Inc. Based in Los Angeles, CA, Karinna, an internationally recognized relationship expert and the Love Educator, is the author of the best-selling book Intimate Wisdom, The Sacred Art of Love, and the popular Sacred Lovemaking DVD. She has also achieved career success as an international model and actress. Karinna’s unique Eastern and Western approach to love, sex and intimacy based on almost 20 years of study of the intimacy wisdom of ancient China, western psychology, and mythology has helped thousands of singles and couples across the World.

I hope you will enjoy this post and get inspired for your marriage life.

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When a life crisis hits, what should you do?

“You live your life as a biography and you have chapters and how you handle yourself in time of adversity and crises defines you.” - Douglas Brinkley

Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes, it’s up; sometimes, it’s down. There are good and there are bad times, but both require our responses. Usually, we know how to respond if it’s good things happening to us. We would jump and laugh. Or, we simply smile secretly in our heart. In other words, we feel happy. But, oftentimes, people don’t know how and what to respond to do in times when they feel so low, depressed, frustrated, insecure about the future, worried about life after midlife or graduation, … etc.. It’s human nature to easily feel happy and easily know what to do (respond) when things make us happy. But, it’s also human nature to easily feel sad, depressed, worried, and insecure when things in life such as a major crisis (e.g. loss of a loved one leading emotional crisis, loss of a career leading to career crisis, loss of enthusiasm about life leading to existential crisis, loss of, say, youthfulness in midlife leading to midlife crisis, … etc.) make us so unhappy, but we often may not know what and how to do and respond to those crisis times in life. We would close ourselves in our room. We would not feel seeing anyone or talking to anyone. Is this good response?

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Today’s Quote: Life must be lived forward.

“Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.” - Soren Kierkegaard, Danish philosopher (1813-1855).

In a way, it is true. For something in life, we may not understand it at the time we live our life. We may not understand why it happens in the way it does at the time, but we have to live with it and live it! When looking back afterward in our life, it starts to make sense in our mind and heart and we start to understand why it happened that way and why we have got to where we are right now because of it. Life must be lived forward; otherwise, we may not understand certain things in life if we get stuck in the past or present.

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Two most important things you can’t live without in the 21st century

What are the two most important things you think you can’t live without in the 21st century? Maybe you have more than two. What are they? The number is not important. What’s important is whether you have ever thought about this so far in your life and whether you can give an honest answer to yourself. The way you answer yourself and the answer itself will determine how you’re gonna live your life in the 21st century. Realize that everyone’s answer is different and unique to his/her own circumstances. This difference in the answers, too, is not important. The important thing is whether you have the answer for yourself or not. This is going to affect how we’re gonna live our life from now on and explain why we’re living the way we are now (if you have already given yourself the answer).

5 things that can cause a marriage to fail.

Are you married? Are you afraid that some day you may end up in divorce like the guy next door or one of your friends you recently comforted in a restaurant? Do you think, “I love her/him so much. I will never have a marriage crisis! It won’t happen to me. It may happen to someone else but not me.” ? I hope your confidence in marriage will last as long as you live. Really!

Today’s Quote: Never be defeated by life’s problems.

When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound. Rebuild those plans and set sail once more toward your coveted goal.” - Napoleon Hill

Napoleon Hill is the author of the bestselling book “Think and Grow Rich!” all time, a classic motivational book inspired by Andrew Carnegie. I highly recommend this book if you care about success in your life.

Don’t let the book title mislead you if growing rich is not your life’s primary goal. But if you embrace and live the advice given in the book, you “may” grow rich.

You may find the writing style in the book a bit old fashioned, but don’t let that put you off. Think And Grow Rich is pure gold and positively essential reading for anybody embarking on a journey of self improvement. The ultimate conclusion of the book is that life’s success (or failure) depends on what one’s thoughts are and how the thoughts are put into action, and one’s wealth again depends on the thoughts and actions one chooses to have and exercise in life and how strong the desire to achieve it. In other words, life’s success, failure, self-fulfillment, or wealth is completely in our hands! How true, isn’t it?

So, if you are thinking of growing rich and/or successful in life, you will not regret reading the book. Take and develop your thinking to the next level!

It’s also time for me to reread the book.

What is crisis?

Lately I’ve been obsessed with the word “crisis”. The very reason for such obsession, I guess, is that I’m facing the so-called midlife crisis, or some kind of life crisis. What’s crisis anyway?

“A crisis is an opportunity riding the dangerous wind.” - Chinese Proverbs

Without the danger there cannot arise the opportunity. To Chinese, crisis (危機) is opportunity. To Westerners, crisis is a turning point in life.

According to Wikipedia (the web’s the free encyclopedia), a crisis is a turning point or decisive moment in events. The free dictionary defines crisis as “a crucial or decisive point or situation; a turning point in life” and “an emotionally stressful event or traumatic change in a person’s life” while Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary’s definition of crisis is “an emotionally significant event or radical change of status in a person’s life” and its definition of midlife crisis is “a period of emotional turmoil in middle age characterized especially by a strong desire for change”.

I searched the web for topics related to midlife crisis, quarterlife crisis, career crisis, and health crisis. It seems almost everybody in the world out there, whether in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s or 50’s, is in some kind of crisis in their life nowadays in this digital age, especially career crisis. Interestingly, different people respond to crisis differently. Some choose to deny that they’re in crisis, say, midlife crisis, because they don’t want to face it or are too afraid to face it. Some choose to accept it and proactively make a change in their life and redirect themselves back onto the right track of life (with friend’s and family’s assistance and support, with a change in attitude toward life, failure, success, …) I’m so much interested in how people react to life crisis. I googled the web for inspiring quotes that say about crisis. I’m gladly listing the quotes here so we all learn from those great minds together.

Sooner or later comes a crisis in our affairs, and how we meet it determines our future happiness and success. Since the beginning of time, every form of life has been called upon to meet such crisis.” - Robert Collier quotes (American motivational author, 1885-1950)

When written in Chinese, the word “crisis” is composed of two characters-one represents danger, and the other represents opportunity.” - John Fitzgerald Kennedy quotes (American 35th US President (1961-63), 1917-1963)

Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth.” - Susan Taylor

Close scrutiny will show that most ”crisis situations” are opportunities to either advance, or stay where you are.” - Maxwell Maltz (US plastic surgeon, motivational author, and creator of the Psycho-Cybernetics, 1927-2003)

Stand up to crises. Don’t let them throw you! Fight to stay calm… even surmount the crisis completely and turn it into an opportunity. Refuse to renounce your self-image. No matter what happens, you must keep your good opinion of yourself. No matter what happens, you must hold your past successes in your imagination, ready for showing in the motion picture screen of your mind. No matter what happens, no matter what you lose, no matter what failures you must endure, you must keep faith in yourself. Then you can stand up to crises, with calm and courage, refusing to buckle; then you will not fall through the floor. You will be able to support yourself.” - Maxwell Maltz (US plastic surgeon, motivational author, and creator of the Psycho-Cybernetics, 1927-2003)

The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word ‘crisis.’ One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger - but recognize the opportunity.” - Richard M. Nixon (American 37th US President (1969-74), 1913-1994)

A leader or a man of action in a crisis almost always acts subconsciously and then thinks of the reasons for his action.” - Jawaharlal Nehru quotes (Indian Prime Minister. 1889-1964)

The easiest period in a crisis situation is actually the battle itself. The most difficult is the period of indecision — whether to fight or run away. And the most dangerous period is the aftermath. It is then, with all his resources spent and his guard down, that an individual must watch out for dulled reactions and faulty judgment.” - Richard M. Nixon quotes (American 37th US President (1969-74), 1913-1994)

Conflict builds character. Crisis defines it.” - Steven V. Thulon

Faced with crisis, the man of character falls back on himself. He imposes his own stamp of action, takes responsibility for it, makes it his own.” - Charles de Gaulle (French general, writer and statesman, 1890-1970)

Every crisis offers you extra desired power” - William Moulton Marston

When you face a crisis, you know who your true friends are.” - Earvin Magic Johnson

We already know enough to begin to cope with all the major problems that are now threatening human life and much of the rest of life on earth. Our crisis is not a crisis of information; it is a crisis of decision of policy and action.” - George Wald

Hope you will find this post helpful in your understanding of life crisis.

Today’s Quote: Your destiny is a matter of choice.

Destiny is not a matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.” – William Jennings Bryan

Am I in crisis? What crisis?

Have you ever felt insecure about your future? Have you ever felt that you wanted to accomplish so much but did not accomplish anything or enough? Or, felt that you have so much you want to do in your life but realize that you cannot do them all or have too limited time? Further, have you ever felt that you’re lagging behind your peers in terms of career or family life? I’ve felt all these over the past few years! I felt that I was a failure when I looked back in my life so far. I felt a sense of crisis in my life. That feeling started to settle in my heart when I could no longer find a satisfying job that I could build a career in the IT field or build myself up on the corporate ladder. I was made redundant as a result of the dotcom bubble. For more than 6 months, I could not find a satisfying job and had no choice but was forced to accept a much low paid job (as a system administrator in a financial stock trading company) which I would not consider satisfying but a new experience for me. Because there I learned how to trade stocks and found the “roller coaster” fun of it. That was really a new learning for me. I stayed there for 2 years before I hit on the road to the world of doing business. Since then, my life became rocky, rocky, rocky, … but I tried to appear “normal” and continue to strive on and hang on. Until recently, I felt the word “crisis” rings so loudly in my mind, that I have to stop and give it a thought. I feel that I’m at a crossroad and my life is in crisis. I feel insecure about the future. My confidence level has dropped to a point I have never thought possible before.

I just “passed” my 38th birthdays last week. Haha … I really can’t believe I’m 38 now! Not that I think 38 is an old age but 38 that hits me so fast surprises (and worries) me! It’s like my childhood and teenager years were not long ago. They were like yesterday, gone so fast! My years have slipped away without any conscious notice?! And now I’m 38!? My God! What have I done in my life so far? Nothing! Nothing that I can feel so proud of. I’m just someone still hanging on there. If I calculate, I have only 10-15 years max. left for me to fight for what I want in this life! 20 years would be God’s additional grace if nothing “shit” happens to me or anyone around me. 10-15 years?! How long is 10-15 years? Not long. How much can I achieve in 10-15 years? Thinking like this, I feel so much a failure, I said to myself. Man! …

Am I in so-called “Midlife Crisis”? Traditionally, midlife crisis, to me, only happens to those 40-50 years old people. I’m only 38! Well, getting close, I know. It doesn’t matter. It’s no problem for me to accept that I’m facing a midlife crisis. What’s really a problem for me to accept is …

1. that I end up regretting of something I know I should do but did not do and something I know I shouldn’t do but did.
2. that I do not want to leave this world with nothing that I can feel I have accomplished “meaningfully” in life!

I know it’s crazy thinking, but I believe I did not come for nothing. In fact, although we all came naked, I believe we should not leave naked (i.e. nothing) also! There gotta be “something” that we came to this world for! (Otherwise, what am I doing in my life? Am I wasting “life”? Wasting space? Merely breathing, toiling, eating, sleeping, struggling, suffering, … cycle repeats itself … and die?!) What’s that something? Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean fame or money, though sometimes I think a bit of fame or money can get you where you want to go with lesser efforts. “Celebrity effect” to fund-raising is an example.

It’s because of this “crisis” feeling that I started this blog to dedicate to the study of crises in life. I want to find out solutions to crises. I want to see how others have managed their crisis and gone through it. Deep inside me, I know I want to do a lot of things before I die but I also realize I can’t. There just seems to be so many obstacles you have to overcome first…

Ever since the advent of the Internet, I knew life’s gonna be both more exciting and more bumpy! More colorful and emptier. Better and worsening. Because of computers and automation, jobs were and are no longer secure or permanent even though many new job titles are created. And, this, I believe, has lead many people to try to launch themselves into an entrepreneurial (or home-based) business and build their own future (business) and their own happiness - fast. But, business isn’t as easy as opening a bank account. It’s much much much much more more more more than that … When we have the time next time, I will talk about business. For now, I’d like to study different life crises that people (including myself) face at different stages of life.

Thank you for reading.

Today’s Quote: Never give up!

Don’t give up at half time. Concentrate on winning the second half. - Paul Bryant

When did we last time see things in our life were not going in the direction we wanted, felt so disheartened, and wanted to give up? How many times did we give up at half time or not even at half time? Now looking back, do we regret that we did (or did not) give up? Indeed, giving up is just so easy. Losing (not failing) at half time is not a total failure yet. What really matters is performance of the second half. Focusing on the second half is really what one has got to do in order to win what he wants.

How amazing a change of perspective is!